Martial Artists are not (always) Bullies either

I'm a Dominant. I know this beyond reasonable doubt (any jury would convict on this level of certainty). I know this because I feel it, because it feels natural and because my girl tells me I am. Her conviction that I am her Dom, in itself, is the most important endorsement.

 

We've been together more than ten years, but I can see many situations and clues prior to that where my Dominant personality was developing. I practised and taught Martial Arts to a reasonably high level, always pushing my own standards, not accepting mediocrity. Now please don't jump to the generalisation that "oh, this guy is into hurting people". Sure, people get hurt practicing contact martial arts (it's a contact sport after all), but this period in my life taught me that you have to risk getting hurt to overcome the fear of getting hurt. At that same time, you have to be prepared to risk hurting someone in order for them to fully test themselves. Anything short of that cheats them of that true test. It cheats them of knowing that they can cope.

 

But more importantly, martial arts taught me that every student has a different goal, a different personality and a different way of learning. While I could stand in front of a class of 30 students, each with these differences, the challenge for me was to identify what each student responded to best. Some may respond to shouting, some teasing, some being challenged and some just wanted to observe and copy. Each learning style is valid for that student, as long as they are being pushed, guided, encouraged and progressing.

 

So what does this have to do with a Dominant / submissive lifestyle? Well, I believe that a Dominant should be able to ascertain what it is that his submissive desires (her goals), identify which approach would achieve the best results for her and then adapt his own style of teaching to best achieve that. This requires trust (you'll see this word a lot in future), communication, flexibility and most importantly intuition.   

 

I read about Dominants announcing that "it's my way or the highway". Good on them for announcing their intentions clearly, and I'm sure that there are many submissives who crave that sort of Dominance, but that approach is not for me. I only have one girl and my girl responds best to me holding her hand and walking with her (just in front) rather than being pushed down that highway from behind. I don't have to prove my Dominance by being all aggressive and by threatening.

 

Somewhere in my Dominant style is a martial artists that breaks boards, not people.

 

Play nicely :)

A general introduction :)

Dominant (n) : 1)One who guides and protects another. 2)One who cares for, teaches, nurtures and leads another toward where that other person desires to be. 3)One who gives of themselves for the betterment of another. 4)One who knows the value of giving freely through receiving freely. 5) One who earns and does not abuse the trust of another.

Any written work that starts with an apparent extract from a Dictionary immediately has an air of authority, or accuracy. But this is not from a dictionary, it is my own initial thoughts on how would I describe my role in my relationship. These five definitions are by no means exhaustive and each day I see further examples of how the lifestyle within the umbrella of BDSM can never be assumed or categorised adequately. There is no accurate way to describe BDSM in any detail,  other than to say that it is many things to many people. There is no right way, or wrong way to practise BDSM, such is the nature of human nature as what is pleasurable to some may be abhorrent to others. If you want to read other definitions of BDSM, please Google it.

 

At this stage, the purpose of me writing this blog is to get my thoughts sorted. I find the act of having to write them down is a great way to test them and to put some sort of rationale to them. Some other added bonuses may be that:

• It will make me accountable for my actions (having undertaken to maintain this as an open journal)
• It will enable "my girl" to read what is on my mind and my perspective on the many things that involve her
• It may be beneficial to others reading this blog. I do hope that some of my thoughts and ideas on the various topics may be useful to others (whether in this lifestyle already, or are considering it, or just curious)
• It may challenge me. I welcome respectful comments, questions, suggestions and opinions from anyone. This feedback may also provide topics for future entries.
• It may help create online friendships. I have found the online BDSM community to be welcoming, entertaining, informative and supportive generally. I look forward to getting to know any followers better in time.

 

 Within this blog I will assume that the male in a relationship is the Dominant, with the submissive a female. While I know that this is not always the case, it is the case with my relationship and it is easier to write on this basis. I'm assuming here that any reader has enough mental agility to substitute these genders / roles to suit their own interests.

 

I appreciate that this introduction includes no real details about me, my girl or our lifestyle. This is deliberate as I want to get this initial blog published, then check it for online security integrity before publishing more relevant materials.

 

Play nicely :)