Martial Artists are not (always) Bullies either

I'm a Dominant. I know this beyond reasonable doubt (any jury would convict on this level of certainty). I know this because I feel it, because it feels natural and because my girl tells me I am. Her conviction that I am her Dom, in itself, is the most important endorsement.

 

We've been together more than ten years, but I can see many situations and clues prior to that where my Dominant personality was developing. I practised and taught Martial Arts to a reasonably high level, always pushing my own standards, not accepting mediocrity. Now please don't jump to the generalisation that "oh, this guy is into hurting people". Sure, people get hurt practicing contact martial arts (it's a contact sport after all), but this period in my life taught me that you have to risk getting hurt to overcome the fear of getting hurt. At that same time, you have to be prepared to risk hurting someone in order for them to fully test themselves. Anything short of that cheats them of that true test. It cheats them of knowing that they can cope.

 

But more importantly, martial arts taught me that every student has a different goal, a different personality and a different way of learning. While I could stand in front of a class of 30 students, each with these differences, the challenge for me was to identify what each student responded to best. Some may respond to shouting, some teasing, some being challenged and some just wanted to observe and copy. Each learning style is valid for that student, as long as they are being pushed, guided, encouraged and progressing.

 

So what does this have to do with a Dominant / submissive lifestyle? Well, I believe that a Dominant should be able to ascertain what it is that his submissive desires (her goals), identify which approach would achieve the best results for her and then adapt his own style of teaching to best achieve that. This requires trust (you'll see this word a lot in future), communication, flexibility and most importantly intuition.   

 

I read about Dominants announcing that "it's my way or the highway". Good on them for announcing their intentions clearly, and I'm sure that there are many submissives who crave that sort of Dominance, but that approach is not for me. I only have one girl and my girl responds best to me holding her hand and walking with her (just in front) rather than being pushed down that highway from behind. I don't have to prove my Dominance by being all aggressive and by threatening.

 

Somewhere in my Dominant style is a martial artists that breaks boards, not people.

 

Play nicely :)